God is Good

So it's the last day of Spring Training and when Tim left for the field this morning, we still had no idea as to where we'd be living in 24 hours. That's the nature of this game - uncertainty.

When I first met Tim back in college, the only things I knew about baseball came from my brief stint as outfield onion picker on my 8 and under softball team (i.e. 3 strikes and you're out). Little did I know that this game would change my life.

I often joke that baseball is my sister wife; my husband's other love. We don't necessarily like each other, but we tolerate each other because he loves us both. But starting this off season and continuing into now, God's shown me reasons to love this crazy game and the uncertain life that it brings: it pushes me further into Him. If you don't know me, I can be a bit... Ummm... Tim might say hard headed. I've always (unfortunately) had to learn from my own mistakes and tried to control situations in my life. This has always led to me (again...unfortunately) trying to fix things and live life without asking for my Creator's help. With baseball, I have zero control. And when I say zero, I mean sub zero. Below what you think is possible. Zip. Nada. NONE. Baseball robs me of every constant in my life. Thus, forcing me to *cringe* TRUST God's plan.

This winter God laid a thought on my heart and has been reminding me of it every day since: Baseball is my mission field. We see so many places and meet so many people through this game. We are called to make disciples. This is my mission field. So I knew wherever God sent us, that's where He wanted our mission to be.

Easier said than done.

C.S. Lewis once said “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” This is where I have been. As days passed here in Arizona, and other guys were finding out their plans, I began to let fear overtake my being. I knew that God would provide. He always has. There've been nights when we blew up an air mattress and slept in the bat boy's locker room, but we had a roof over our heads. Even last year, when he got released, it turned out for the better. So my issue has never been "WILL God provide?", it's how hard life would have to be while obeying. What if He wanted us HERE?! In Arizona?! Or what if he wanted Tim to get released... Again? I let all of the bad possibilities overtake my thoughts and forgot the most important thing for a while: GOD IS ON HIS THRONE. Period. No matter where we are. Over the past few days (wih STILL no word), I've come to peace with that.

My husband just texted me and told me he made the AAA roster. This is huge for us considering that a few hours ago we were wondering if he'd have a job at all. But you know what I realized when I heard the news? God is not good because my husband is going to AAA, or because he has a job. God is good because He is God. He loves us more than our human brains can comprehend. Always has. Always will. He uses tough times and periods of waiting to draw us closer to Him. God is no better today because my husband made a team than he was around this time last year when my husband got released. He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us. He says he has a plan; to prosper us, not to harm us. This is always. Good times, bad times, yesterday, today, forever. God didn't put us in Louisville so that we could boast, He put us there because that's where He wants us to serve right now.

I fully realize how much God has blessed me with, or without, baseball. He has given me a family that shows me unconditional love, a husband that loves Christ more than he loves me, a roof over my head, and -oh yeah- HIS SON. That's where my strength comes from. Knowing that He will never, ever, ever, leave me.

Let me say this one more time: God is not good because my husband has a job. He is good because He is God. Valleys will come. Hardships will show up. But I know that God will always walk in front of me so that I don't fall. So take THAT baseball. There IS a constant in my life.