Fearless

As many of you know, baseball season is among us. This means last minute living situations, not knowing where we'll be, enduring cuts and moves. All in all, situations that I stress over. Recently one of Tim's friends, Dave, gave us a book to read called "Fearless" by Max Lucado. Really he gave it to Tim to read but I stole it and read it too. Lucado encourages us to live fearless in everything we do because "if God is for us, who can be against us?" Now, most of you are aware of the fact that I grew up in a Christian home, went to a Christian school, and attended church most every time the doors were open. I've heard this before. I am knowledgeable about the fact that God wrote our story and He knows the ending. My head understands that God is bigger than us and in control. We have no need to fear. Apparently, God decided to work on my heart believing that this year. This book jumpstarted something in me that I know full and well God will finish. And I have to say... I'm ready and willing. I've admitted it before that I have an extremely difficult time trusting anyone with anything. It's a fault. I know. However wrong it may be, it is a deep rooted fear of mine to hand over anything important to me to someone else. Whether it be my heart, my dreams, work related tasks, my insecurities, etc., I like to hold on to these and keep them all to myself. Most of all? My fears. At some point in my life, I decided that it is imperitive that I be perfect. Even if I'm not, I must hide my faults and make everyone at least think that I am. I'm sure it was a multitude of events that led me to think this way. However it came to be, God has now decided to focus on ridding me of this fear. We can't truly accept His grace until we fully admit that we need it. But that's another topic for another day. Lucado's book really brought home the fact that I am holding on to these things because I am fearful. As hard as it is to admit, there is a small part of me that is afraid God can't or won't handle these things for me. Now don't go getting all judgy (I think I made that word up) on me and start preaching how God is bigger than all my problems. As I mentioned before...I KNOW this. However, I have never fully allowed myself to BELIEVE this. The prayer that Jesus prayed when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane shows me a lot. Let's look: "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. Oh man. Because Jesus was human, He didn't necessarily want to do this. He says here "take this cup from me". But here's where He trusted God and says "YET not my will but yours be done". That's faith. This man was sweating blood. Sweating. Blood. Yet Jesus trusted his Father and followed through. One of my favorite songs is by Ginny Owens. It goes like this: The pathway is broken And The signs are unclear And I don't know the reason why You brought me here But just because You love me the way that You do I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to Cause I'm not who I was When I took my first step And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet so if all of these trials bring me closer to you Then I will walk through the fire If You want me to It may not be the way I would have chosen When you lead me through a world that's not my home But You never said it would be easy You only said I'd never go alone So When the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through And I will go through the valley If You want me to That's who I want to be. Walking through even the fires when that's what God calls me to do. I have to remember - and truly believe - that not only does God know the ending to my story, He wrote the whole book. Living situations, moves, financials...all of it. God loves me more than my human mind could ever fathom. HE WILL NOT LET ME DOWN. I once read an old Chinese proverb that said this "That birds of doubt fly over your head, this you can not help. But that they make a nest in your hair- this you can help" For some very strange reason, this has stuck with me. I am human. Doubts and fears will creep up at times, but as a child of God I have to remember that Satan is trying to attack and I have to be prepared for battle. God gives us power to resist and when we resist, Satan will flee. God is big. God is HUGE. God does not fit in a box that I try to fit Him in. He created heavens, earth, and all things in it. One day every knee will bow and every tongue confess. Though I may be scared, I have to choose to trust. He's never failed me. He never will. I'll leave you with this quote by Chrysostom. He was the archbishop of Constantinople and I believe he had a good handle on this: "What can I fear? Will it be death? But you know that Christ is my life, and that I shall only gain by death. Will it be exile? But the earth and all its fulness is the Lord;s. Will it be the loss of weath? But we have brought nothing into the world and can carry nothing out. Thus all the terrors of the world are contemptible in my eyes; and I smile at all its good things. Poverty I do not fear; riches I do not sigh for. Death I do not shrink from " Well... Ok then.